Dealing With Painful Thoughts and Overthinking

---

Life can often be unpredictable, and we never quite know what each day will bring. One thing that is guaranteed – there will be both beautiful, joyful days, and painful, difficult ones.

As we go through our days studying, working, and spending time with others, it is likely that we will experience things which stick with us. Perhaps it is a sense of anger and injustice at something that happened to you, or maybe it is a lingering sadness over the loss of a loved one. It is completely normal and healthy to have feelings of anger, grief, anxiety, or frustration.

However, if these feelings stay for too long and we struggle to let go, it can sometimes lead to rumination. Rumination is described as “repetitive and passive focus on the causes and consequences of one’s symptoms of distress” (Michl et al., 2013, para. 2) without taking any actions to actively try and address the negative feelings. Basically, it is that cycle you get into when you overthink and spiral into a more and more negative loop.

Overthinking is difficult to snap out of, and it may even feel like problem solving in the moment. Yet, rumination does not help us with our issues and can lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety (Michl et al., 2013). It is almost like sitting in a rocking chair – even after rocking all day, the chair has not moved, and you have not gotten anywhere.

What can we do then?

First, we must learn how to stop the cycle and disrupt our thoughts if we notice we are ruminating. Here are a few tips:

1. Distract yourself – Do something to distract yourself and be more present in the moment. You can try exercising, going to a different location (like a café or park), listening to music, calling a friend.
2. Mindfulness – Clear your mind. You can imagine your thoughts as leaves floating down a stream and let them go without judgement. You can try box breathing (breathe in 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, out 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds). If all that doesn’t work, you can try washing your hands under cold water or eating very sour candy. This could help you focus on something other than your thoughts.
3. Ask “what?” instead of “why?” – Instead of asking yourself why this happened, try asking “what can I do today? What small step can I take?”. By thinking about what actions you can take, this will help you move towards solutions and what you can control rather than what you cannot control.
4. Get your thoughts out – Keeping your thoughts inside often leads to more overthinking, but writing it down or telling someone you trust can help you process these thoughts.

Rumination is a normal thing to experience, especially when faced with stressful circumstances. It is okay to let yourself feel painful emotions and have all kinds of thoughts, as long as we recognize when the feelings and thoughts are starting to cause us harm.

Remember, the point of life is not to go through it without any kind of bumps or hardships. If our lives were like books, how boring would it be if the main characters had no conflict or growth of any kind? Who would be interested in a book where everything is perfect and there is no triumph over pain, no journey of self-discovery or any difficulties?

As we collect memories and experiences, you may find that the mix of good and hard times is what makes life feel more colorful and exciting.

The next time you notice yourself ruminating and overthinking, I hope that you can remind yourself that this will pass, and it is simply a part of your colorful, meaningful life.

Citations

Michl, L. C., McLaughlin, K. A., Shepherd, K., & Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2013). Rumination as a mechanism linking stressful life events to symptoms of depression and anxiety: longitudinal evidence in early adolescents and adults. Journal of abnormal psychology, 122(2), 339–352. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031994